…how to handle them? We already started talking about this topic with jess, a young girl from Turin that decided to leave even if in love with her boyfriend.
What we do ask today is:
- Having a boyfriend can be an obstacle or on the contrary he can be supportive?
- Many au pairs find the boyfriend once in the states… Can it be a problem for the host family?
- If we have a boyfriend in the USA, how is having to come back in our home country?
We both decided to leave in a moment in which we were single , because due to our characters we think that a boyfriend could be an obstacle for our new life
Mapu thinks that she would be too attached at home and would spend a lot of time calling him instead of focusing in creating a new life.
Susa instead think she wouldn’t be relaxed enough because there is somebody that wants to stay in touch with her and she would have to find time for him. Plus she would miss him and would spend too much time thinking at what he is doing. In her opinion an experience like that doesn’t have to be ruined by somebody that needs attentions.
In general we think that in a moment in which communication, trust or respect from one of the partner is missing, the relationship can’t have a future and you also have to ask yourself if is worth to miss somebody and not being able to fully enjoy this experience.
As we already mentioned once, we are part of many fb groups in which au pairs confront each other’s with common problems and thanks to that we were able to collect experiences from people that were in this situation before and summarize the experiences:
- The boyfriend was really supportive even if it was tough and came to visit her (like in Jess’case)
- This experience changes people and the girl found out she didn’t want to be with him, so they broke up after a couple of months.
- The boyfriend was really supportive through the entire application process, he immediately bought a flight to go visiting her, but when her departure date arrived, he broke up with her.
- Many girls broke up with their boyfriends after leaving, and later they met a new boyfriend that in some cases became husband.
- A girl survived the distance for a full year, she came back home and they broke up after a month
- A girl left the States after two months because she was missing the boyfriend too much.
- A girl lived a very complicate year because her grandmom died, she had two rematches, but he was always on her side: he was waking up at 4,00am to skype with her every morning, and even if the experience changed her, once back they moved together.
- According to another, girl distance is not a problem if there is a solid relationship that cannot be measured in years of relationship, but in structure. She left to become an au pair when she was in a relationship, but she felt it was falling apart, so she invited the boyfriend to spend some time with her. The host family was very welcoming even by knowing things were not ok between the two, but at the end of the vacation she broke up with him. After some months she met a marines and they started dating, but he had to move on the other side of the country so they had to stop their relationship. They both agreed in not having a long distance relationship due to the bad experiences they had, but the love was too strong that they found a way to keep in touch and see each other. At the end he asked her to marry him and she said yes!
- Some girls admit that they are not able to handle this kind of relationship and ask their partners some time off and in case to start dating again once back home.
- A girl became au pair with a very solid relationship, in fact he asked her to marry him and she said yes. They were supposed to getting married after that year, but as soon as she extended for a second year to improve her English he broke up with her.
Many au pairs apply to the program many months before the departure date and during that period they might find a guy they get along with… Some girls decide to stop the relationship, some others carry on… What would you do? In our opinion if the relationship is new it won’t survive the distance, but if we have the feeling he is the guy of our life… how can we let him go?
As for the relationship Host Family/Boyfriend, many families accept the au pairs’ boyfriends and allow them to sleep in the same room, but it can also happen that the au pair go sleeping to the new boyfriend’s house and many families might not like that especially if the following day is a working day! An au pair went sleeping to the boyfriend on a Sunday (the next day she was supposed to bring the kids to school), but it snowed a lot and she couldn’t make it home on time. That caused her a lot of problems with the family!
If you have a boyfriend in the USA, how is going back home? If you have a serious relationship coming back home can be a very dramatic moment especially if he has a job and can’t come to stay with you! There are different stories here as well… there are girls who find a way to stay in the states (often au pairs change visa in a student visa and sign up at the college), sometimes boyfriends leave everything and go living in another country, however it seems that the most common solution (mostly among girls whose age is 25/26 years old) is getting married!
Do/Did you have experiences with long distance relationships? Tell us more!!!
Susa & Mapu